Love wins

Have you ever wondered why people bond over negativity? While that terminology might not be politically correct in 2024, we have become more ingenuous at disguising the poison of our tongue with more palatable terms such as: ‘dark humor’, or ‘roast sessions’. 

Little belittling jabs here and there that the roastee must be able to stomach. No ulterior motives, just pure comedy. Mastering the cadence of delivering or receiving smooth, polite insults, can enhance your inclusivity in various group settings.

Yet, sometimes, what was meant to be a humorous delivery might shed light on a newly discovered insecurity. For instance, allow me to share a personal example.

It is no secret that I love to sing but am not a singer by trade. So fairly often, my entourage will crack jokes about my singing ability. To be fair, I often volunteer myself as the butt of the jokes; because I know no harm is meant. One of my favorite running jokes is how in a whole congregation, my pitch is often easily overpowering (and off… may the Lord protect their ears!).

It was all fun and games until I realized that a roastee’s brain remembers and internalizes ‘jokes’ at the most random moment. In fact, one Sunday morning, during praise and worship; I caught myself suppressing my volume. Before I knew it, over the next few worship sessions, I became barely audible. Then it hit me: my mind replayed the innocent joke, and I recognized the devil’s hand at work. I immediately re-adjusted my worship posture.  

I’m almost certain that you too have quite a few of those scenarios up your sleeve. God forbid you make a rookie mistake in a department that is not your forte- your friend has likely shared it, jokingly, I hope. Honest mistakes, wrong pronunciation, changes in your physique, academic aptitude, failed relationships, and mishaps in cooking are all fair game in the world of dark humor.

Nevertheless, if we are honest, even the toughest amongst us, may sometimes feel the sting of the unsolicited remarks. 

So, as we end the year and put on our festive hats; let’s purpose in our heart to be mindful of our tongue. Whether we gather as a family, around our Thanksgiving turkey, or the Christmas tree (because the Christmas tree goes up in November- do not fight me on this), let’s choose to uplift one another.

Make compliments a staple in your family. Changing the hearts of seasoned folks in your home might not be easy, but be the change you want to see. Find the most insensitive almost relative/friend, and give them their flowers- with no expectation. Shift the conversation around the table, and circle it back around love. 

This has been in my heart, pre-Thanksgiving food coma, so I know it’s not the turkey talking. But in all honesty, the reason dark humor trumps compliments is the vulnerability that comes with having those sensitive conversations. Love talk at friends-givings or family gatherings sounds and feels mushy. But doesn’t the bible teach us that “Anyone who loves God must also love their brother and sister’ (1 John 4:21)? So if we wouldn’t be ok with jabbing the Lord for fun, should we be jabbing those closest to us?

 P. S.: Make this a rule under your roof, for each jab, you are to find 2 uplifting compliments for your relative/friend.

Before I forget, look what I found in the Word: “Like a maniac shooting flaming arrows of death is one who deceives their neighbor and says, “I was only joking” (Proverbs 26:18). It might be a stretch if compared to what we’ve discussed above but I leave you with 1 question: Have you ever meant the jokes, even just a little? 

Yours truly,

Chris